Sunday, March 1, 2009

Today's Fiasco...

I hate myself for many reasons, one being my reactions to my son’s prangs or naughtiness or my son’s easy going. Today morning my daughter woke up with tooth pain. Welcome signal for a new teeth.. She is growing up..wonder how time flies..I still feel they are new born babies..Of course, they are..But I lose track of this thought thinking they are old enough to have take care certain routines by themselves. Yes they do at times. I wish and hope that they do it all times. My morning hours in making my children preparing them to go to school, preparing lunchbox for my hubby and myself, my washing..ah endless list of task goes beserk if there is a slight deviation in the routine…and today happened to be one such day!!!

My daughter wants to have her porridge as she is having tooth ache. There I’m off to prepare that before offering breakfast for my son. He was in his usual mood keeping himself occupied with drawing (he is an excellent artist in drawing his favourite characters, Tom and Jerry and Dinosaurs and Cars and "My father and me"). I informed him to take his breakfast all by himself as amma ( is busy today. After having prepared porridge and made it cool, I found to my dismay that my son has not even had a single morsel of food. I tried feeding him but he does not have any mood to have food. I, on the other hand, is like a typical mother and may me one step ahead of all mothers that “breakfast is a must and should not skipped no matter what”. It really got out of my mind and started shouting at him. He is kind of emotional person and started crying. In between I was persuading my daughter to eat something as she is running temperature too. The whole situation was out of control.

I told my son to forget his breakfast and asked him to wear his uniform as it was getting late to go to school. As usual he was in this world of drawing..Once again blah blah..and once again started crying. I helped him to wear the shirt and asked him to wear the pants all by himself. He was still crying giving a “amma is not caring me kind of look” at me. This made me to hate myself. I don’t have the time to be sympathetic with him. Still his face lingers in my mind. I hate myself for this. I wish he understands me. But he is only a child. Hope he understands me one day.

I was still simmering with anger because my effort in making my son have his breakfast was not fulfilled like an “unsatisfied soul”. I was standing there searching for what should I wear for the office…My son came running and asked me “ I want my new socks, amma”. The innocent voice of him was like piercing a dagger into my heart. This made me feel really ashamed of myself. I could hardly look into his eyes. I gave his pair of socks. My hubby helped him to wear his shoes and off he went to school with my hubby alone. I didn’t said “bye” to him. I hate myself for this.

My hubby went to their class room to inform their class teacher that daughter is having a tooth pain and hence she is on leave for the day. In the mean time, my son was trying to occupying a chair, other children were pushing him refraining to sit in the chair (My hubby told this while we were on the way to office). I could the feel the pain that he would be undergoing that moment. Amma shouted at me at home and at school, my classmates are not allowing me to sit in a chair. He would have got really hurt.

After dropping from school, my hubby and myself were off to office. My daughter was busy scribbling in her notebook. I was looking for her through the gate to say “bye”. She didn’t come out to see us off.

My hubby was in his usual parental and logical talk with me all the way to my office. I was listening all the while with my son’s face photographed deep in my mind. It seems my son was saying to his grandparents that why parents of other children are coming to school to pick the other children? My heart broke. I hate myself for this.

1 comment:

  1. I Really like to read all your posts.They are really very good..


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